UPSC Stories – A Long Road to Success

Dr Shubham Maurya, who has cleared the exam twice, writes about his experience with this exam, with all its uncertainty and unpredictability. His story highlights the importance of not giving up, but more importantly, the importance of focusing on what matters.

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Hello everyone. I am Dr. Shubham Maurya. I belong to Bhadohi, Uttar Pradesh. I am 29 years old. I have done my MBBS from KGMU, Lucknow. I am currently under training as an IRTS officer based on my selection in UPSC CSE 2019. This year I have been allocated to the IAS, which is a dream come true for me. 

This was my fifth attempt in UPSC CSE. In the past five years, I have given five prelims, four mains and four interviews. I have seen a series of failures and setbacks in the first three years of my preparation journey. At those points in my life, it felt like I had lost everything, like I was the most unfortunate and that I was the worst sufferer. These were all wrong assumptions.

Coming from a medical background, and from a prestigious medical university, it felt impossible to regain the lost confidence once I had hit rock bottom. I felt I had wasted my time, my parents’ money, and my mental and physical energy all along. I was totally cut off from everyone. My daily routine became unsustainable. I used to be awake for 40 to 50 hours at a stretch, introspecting about preparation strategies. I was afraid of sleeping as I had bad dreams, and I was more afraid to wake up as I had no idea where to go and what to do next!

Learning that my doctor batchmates were completing PG courses and moving on in life was very depressing for me (this was a poor attitude). I also did a bad thing by not practicing medicine in the meanwhile. I lost touch with my medical knowledge, and was totally broke. I was not earning a single penny. Again, to a great extent the cause was not my reluctance, but that I was not getting time to settle down because I was constantly giving pre-mains-interview without any positive results. Not finding my name in the holy PDF after reaching the last stage, twice in a row, was very bad for me.

When you fly high and fall, then chances of injuries are severe! For me, the past achievements - being a school topper, MBBS from KGMU etc. came back to haunt me during those moments. I had, at that point of time, nothing except my will power, my parents’ support, and a few friends (which is always sufficient). 

After the 2018 final result fiasco, I decided to give the 2019 prelims and also decided that for the sake of my sanity and to support myself financially, I must look for some work. I was fortunate to get an interview call from UPPSC where I got into the job of Allopathic Medical Officer (which I actually started doing in 2020 during Covid’s first wave – scary times!). Again, my rank in that too was not good, so I got an MOship at Pratapgarh, U.P. which is a rather difficult and dangerous place to work considering the socio-economic and political complexities there. But I learnt a lot there at a grassroots level and I am happy I got that chance.

Coming back to UPSC preparations again, during 2019 Mains I was so depressed that in the first paper I decided to walk out of the exam hall! But they wouldn't let me go out, and considering the fact that my father was outside the exam center and the thought of what he would think of his son at that moment, made me stay back. I gave all the papers with whatever energy I could gather without telling my father what I was going through. I was pretty confident that I would fail in the written exam (and I was happy about it, because finally after two and a half years I would have some time to think and reorient my strategy). But this is something bizzare and amazing about this exam – you cannot predict anything definitively at any stage! While I started working again from scratch for the next attempt during October to December 2019, the result of mains came in the first half of January 2020 and I made it into the interview list again. My grand plan to work peacefully for the next attempt failed and I gave the interview with very low enthusiasm. After that, I started working as a Medical Officer in an extremely backward rural setup in Pratapgarh, as mentioned before, with all the possible shortcomings and challenges. Despite these obstacles, working and meeting people after a long time made me immensely happy. Then one day the result came, and I got selected! I was more relieved than happy or proud by getting that rank. It was the only time I cried during my whole preparation journey. It felt good that finally I would have the distinction of having cleared UPSC at least once in my life.

After that, life became relatively easier. I decided to give one last attempt. This year's exam process was relatively quicker as I was busy doing multiple things. Prelims and mains went well. I resigned from my previous job and started undergoing training. Since the mains went well, I got a chance to give the interview again. Along with some of my batchmates,  I prepared hard for the interview at our training academy. After the interview, I also decided to marry my childhood friend and my companion during this arduous journey, and I did that quietly. Then again the result came and I got selected with an even better rank. I felt happy this time, not because of the rank but because I was out of this cycle and I had married the love of my life. This time I have been allocated to my dream service, but the happiness is coming from a different place for me. 

All those years of hard work have culminated into a great result for me, mostly because I am fortunate and blessed by God. During my journey I learnt that the struggles and the decisions you make in those times ultimately make you stronger. Life is much more than the binary notions of success and failure. It is important to feel grateful for life, it is important to constantly feel your self-worth. Ultimately, CSE is just another exam for just another job in your life. This job can be used to do good and meaningful things. That will make you a happy and successful person at the end of your journey of life. The values you acquire, the service you do and the creativity and innovation you perform with will make you a good and wise person in life. 

Life is full of ups and downs. Sadness will come. Failures will come. We must accept them and keep moving forward. Because without sadness, you can't feel happiness. Without failures, success would be a worthless thing. Happiness and satisfaction lie in simpler things – little acts of kindness, art, creativity, sharing time with loved ones etc. Not in clearing some exam or achieving some feat which is momentary in nature.

Take this examination as just a part of your career, which is much smaller than your life and your being. Show courage and feel satisfied with your efforts. Life is amazing, everyone of us is amazing. We must always believe that. Simplicity, self-confidence and gratitude – those are my takeaways from life until now and I believe that is enough for me. 

This is all from my side folks. I know it is a long read and many of my understandings in life might seem different from your viewpoints. And I respectfully agree with those. So thank you for reading this. I wish you all the happiness and satisfaction in life. Do well and make yourself and the people around you proud.